Hello Reader,

Has this happened to you when your child goes to play at a friend’s house?

They come home and tell you they had the best time ever—but it turns out “playtime” really meant hours on YouTube and video games, not the kind of play you had in mind.

Or how about when a child comes to play at your house, and unexpectedly brings an iPad? One mom shared how this happened to her, and when she asked him to put it away during lunch, he said no because “his mom lets him.” When they drove to a park, he had the iPad on in the car the whole time.

And let’s be honest. Sometimes we hand over screens during playdates. It’s easier. The kids beg. We’re busy. Steering them toward something else can feel like swimming upstream.

Why playdates feel so complicated

Parents tell us they struggle with two big challenges:

1. Different screen rules. One family sets limits, another doesn’t—and suddenly a simple playdate turns into a screen marathon. Or worse, pornography exposure.
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2. “Safetyism.” In today’s culture, letting kids ride bikes or roam outside unsupervised can bring judgment—or even calls to the police. Parents feel like they can only keep kids indoors, and busy schedules often lead to more screen time.

It’s no wonder only 37% of kids play outside every day. And studies show that only 7% of kids under age 10 are even allowed outside on their own. (Learn more from Dr. Mariana Brussoni, developmental psychologist and University of British Columbia faculty member.)

It can be discouraging when you want your kids to play interactively with other kids, but other parents aren’t on board because of challenges 1, or 2, or both!

The good news: You can build a community of play

Play thrives when parents come together around shared values. And you may have to intentionally create that.
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For example, one mom encouraged all of her friends to read The Anxious Generation. They chose it for their book club. Once the group saw the research on screens, many altered their course. Some got rid of tablets and gaming devices entirely.

When knowledge is shared organically, it becomes much easier to agree on play-first rules.

Entry points: Simple ways to find your people

Provide entry points for parents to join the community you’re building. Here are some examples of how to do that.

• Share resources. Start a book club or drop a title into your parent text chain. A few of our favorites include:
  • ​The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
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  • ​Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids—and How to Break the Trance by Nicholas Kardaras
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  • ​Creating a Tech-Healthy Family: Ten Must-Have Conversations to Help You Worry Less and Connect More With Your Kids by Andrea Davis
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  • ​10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World: How Parents Can Stop Smartphones, Social Media, and Gaming from Taking Over Their Children's Lives by Jean Twenge
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  • ​Until the Streetlights Come On: How a Return to Play Brightens Our Present and Prepares Kids for an Uncertain Future by Ginny Yurich
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  • ​Digital Madness: How Social Media Is Driving Our Mental Health Crisis—and How to Restore Our Sanity by Nicholas Kardaras
• Host a play-first gathering. Invite kids for a board game night, outdoor playdate, or craft session. Make it clear screens are staying off. Many parents are relieved when someone else sets the tone.
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• Send them outside. Encourage kids to meet at a nearby park or ride bikes around the block. One parent told us she prefers meetups at the park rather than at a house where rules may differ. It naturally pushes kids toward active, imaginative play.
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• Start your own play club. Check out Let Grow to get started.
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• Start small conversations. A quick text before a playdate—“We try to do no devices during play. Sound good?”—can lay the foundation for a play-first approach. Here are some other texts you can send:
  • I prefer if the kids play interactively the majority of the time. If we allow short periods of tech time, we only watch TV in the main room so I can see, all play must be done with each other (no devices to themselves), and all mobile devices go in a basket on my counter. You good with that? Anything else you would like?
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  • Thanks for inviting my child over. We prefer interactive play. But if they do have a small amount of tech time, my kids aren’t allowed on YouTube or Roblox, and screens should be visible to you in a public space. Does that work?
• Lean on existing networks. Church groups, sports teams, scouting, homeschool co-ops, and neighborhood families often make natural starting points for finding your people.
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• Build slowly. You don’t need 20 families. Even two or three who agree on play-first habits can create a powerful ripple effect.

Be the entry point

When parents share entry points with each other, play becomes the norm. Let these tips and scripts be your entry point to start building today.

Warmly,

Kristen

P.S. Share this with a friend or in your parent group text chain to spark a community of play. Use the “read in browser” link above to grab a shareable link.

P.P.S. Encourage your children to balance real-life friendships and play with screen time with our Brain Defense: Digital Safety curriculum! Our 5 lessons empower kids with all the basics they need to know to be safe and healthy online.